Category: Life Advice
Content: Eighteen pointers for pure happiness, ranging from the generic (“Life is a big grey area”) to the, um, also generic (“Have a good relationship with your siblings.”) to the confusing (“Go ahead, say you don’t like it. See how soon you start to like it after that. (My relationship with Mumford & Sons).”).
Time it took to read this: One Nature Valley granola bar. Or like, one of the wafers in the two-pack. (And none of the crumbs.)
Interesting Quirk: She throws the “consecutive-but-connected advice” bullets around twice. Going to gasp to denote the break:
2. Never ever believe that your dreams aren’t possible.
3. But don’t assume you’ll achieve them without working hard.
13. There are some things that will never change, same goes with people.
14. But there are some things and some people that will.
Ignoring the contradictory (and syntactically adventurous!) stylings of the last one, Emma is trying to tell us to weigh the consequences of our actions. If you shoot for the moon and fall a little close, you’ll still end up in marketing.
Obvious Best Part: ”Everyone needs a stuffed animal.”Emma Birdsong, keep singing.
Inevitable Cringe-y Moment of Derailing: You had us at “Get a cat.” I don’t like cats, but hey, works for some people. You like Mumford and Sons too? Well okay, people have done worse things (but not by much). We’ll even chalk the unrealistic advice of “If someone throws a drink on you, hey a free drink.” up to figuratively turning the other cheek.
But come on, Emma.
16. Watch Crash, if you haven’t.
“Watch Crash”? You mean that laughably sycophantic movie that treated racial relations as koombayah nutella? That’s just bad advice. Remember your own wisdom: there are some things that will never change, same goes with people. (But on the other hand, but there are some things and some people that will. So perhaps there’s hope!)
Impression: Emma wants us to watch Crash, love everyone, volunteer (AND ACTUALLY LISTEN!!!), and believe we’re special. I believe her house is full of lavender and peach wallpaper.
Effectiveness, on a patented 10 point system, where 0 is “Actively destroy everything writer holds dear” and 10 is “Become sacrificial ram on altar of writer’s wisdom”: Solid 6. Pro tip: “You are special” only works if you’re Mr. Rogers.
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